I WAS FEELIN' GOOD, UNTIL I CHECKED MY MAIL!

WTF!!!

I'M 40-NOT 50!

I still rock 5 inch heels, wear mini-skirts and nary a wrinkle or crows foot!!!

This should be against the law! This is an act of domestic terrorism! It's the equivalent of getting some suspicious powder in the mail, i.e., scares the bejeeba's out of ya! I'm not ready for discounts on hotels, car rentals, dentures, auto insurance, a reverse mortage nor early bird dinner specials!

You know what I want right now? I want to have sex with a hot young dude, with a "HUGE EGO" and a great cocktail to sip afterwards! Take that, AARP!