Now that I’ve gotten your attention, wanna know my secret to such dramatic weight loss? I went on a man diet by dumping my 202 lb, 6 foot 2 inch boyfriend!
That’s right, I instantly lost the excess emotional weight that I no longer needed; that for whatever strange reason, always seemed to settle on my hips (wink, wink). Not to mention, the damage to my poor heart-my boyfriend was killing me! Every day that I allowed him to be in my life, he was slowly killing my spirit. If any of this rings true for you, I suggest you go on the Man Diet with me. Let me guess, every January you start some type of annual diet. And by the time MLK weekend rolls around-you find yourself with a buzzer in your hand, constantly checking your watch and attitude, impatiently waiting to treat yourself to one of the 10,325 dinosaur sized dishes at the Cheesecake Factory…to never speak of your New Year’s Eve resolution again.
So how about you make the Man Diet, the one diet that you finally stick to. Not the diet you promised yourself you’d go on right after you had your baby.
Your baby is now fourteen.
What’s the Man Diet you ask? It’s a diet that I created and wrote a book about (that I’m currently re-editing). I wrote the man diet because of my addiction to men. Because I promise you, no one loves men more than me-not even you Kim Kardashian.
I love the way they smell; the way they look and talk, their hands, their feet, their touch and all the ways they are different from women. I’ve loved and/or dated every kind of man you can imagine: White, black, a mixture of the two, Hispanic, French, Haitian, European, Jewish, Middle Eastern, and African. Rich, poor, middle class, blue-collar, white collar, silver spooners, self-made millionaires, professional athletes, politicians, musicians, smart asses, dumb asses, maniacs, insomniacs, workaholics and alcoholics [breathe...there's more]. Hardheaded, wrongheaded, pigheaded, pot heads, big heads and Rastas with dreads. Men that are heterosexual, bisexual (unbeknownst to me), overly sexual, impotent, tall, short, bald, premature gray, old and young. Plus I’ve been engaged several times, married once and divorced. So do I know my way around Mars (man’s home planet) better than NASA’s Curiosity Rover?
Hell yes I do!
I equate my once crazy addiction to men with an addiction to food. Exactly how does one regain a healthy relationship with food (men), when that’s the very thing you devised to bring you joy and love? Men were my primary source of happiness. Cut out food and/or men altogether? I don’t think so-we need both to survive! The thought of starving to death or in my case becoming a lesbian was not an option. But as I soon discovered through a plethora of self-help books, painful around the world treks to Mars, self-discovery and just plain old growing up, I realized that the very thing I sought outside myself (love), could only come from me. And after much heartache, depression and pain, I literally got on my knees and pleaded for help. Eventually finding solace when,
God granted me serenity and I accepted the things about me that I could not change, the courage to change the things I could and the wisdom to know the difference between a good man and one that’s not!
In the Man Diet, my (many) men mistakes are detailed along with a play on our nation’s obsession with weight loss. You do know, no matter what type of relationship you’re in now or have been in, it was, is and always will be about you-not him! (Sorry babygurl, you chose to go on any number of blind “taste tests”, pretending not to notice his weed habit on the weekends. And by weekends, I mean Sunday thru Saturday. Or he thinks he’s Angelina Jolie. How? He has his prison number tatted on his shoulder along with the dates of all three of his stints and his license plate reads: thug4lyfe. Or you knew he was married. But you hungry lil’ thang you, you had to help yourself to some of him.
So join me and lets get started on the Man Diet today.
The absolute number one thing to do is to change our diets. We’re going to work diligently to monitor what goes in our bodies (pun very much intended). How cool would it be if men came with nutritional labels? Imagine, you’re out at a club or restaurant and when a guy approaches, instead of listening to his sometimes much hyped and inflated qualities, you could turn him around and peruse his back for his nutritional content. Thoroughly check to see if his words are artificially sweetened and truly see what he is made of. In the Man Diet, that’s exactly what we’ll do; explore the hidden truths and lies and really dig deep behind what men will tell you and after breaking down all his ingredients a.k.a. qualities, see if they’ll be good for us.
This will be the easiest most light-hearted diet you ever go on; but then again, maybe not.
Losing pounds, aka L.B.’s (each letter pronounced individually) or in the case I make throughout the Man Diet, acronym for saying loser boys, can be work. It’s not always easy to lay off unhealthy food or turn away from comfort food. Why? Duh, hence the name “comfort food”-it and he makes us feel so good. Very much like a comfortable, maybe-not-so-good relationship, but the sex is AMAZING!
We start creating all kinds of excuses as to why we can’t give up mac n cheese or that Mack Daddy. Honestly, I didn’t write the Man Diet, with the intention of telling you to avoid macaroni & cheese altogether or any other type of food for that matter. It’s about moderation and making conscious food/relationship choices. If you’re a healthy person with normal weight and health issues, then by all means, have a little “comfort food” every now and then [Trust me, I get it…it’s hard out here for a single chick!] ;-)
But if you’re not, then this is when you have to start making some serious decisions about becoming healthy with food and men. Can you see how food is men and men are food?
They’re the same. A bad relationship with food is no different than one with men. Over consumption of bad food and men have the capability of making you fat!
So are ya fired up and ret to go? I know, know, I gave you a lot to chew on. But getting healthy with men is no joke. But hopefully you can learn from my mistakes...or yours, don’t act like I’m the only one who’s been dumb with the dudes!
That’s why I will be sharing excerpts from my book and other man snagging (or dumping tips) about once a week (gotta keep a tight lid on all this dumbness). Oh and to be clear about one thing, when I said in the beginning that I loved and/or dated every type of man you can imagine, that does not mean I had sex with all these men..geesh Mom, really…holy water!?
Happy dieting!
